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Theron REALLY needed to stop partnering with Jonas on missions.

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**Author's Note:**

* For [rinskiroo](https://archiveofourown.org/users/rinskiroo/gifts).

> Written for my lovely friend Rinskiroo, who needed a fic written incorporating a very, erm, special dating profile I shared over on Discord. Pieces of said profile were adapted to fit the universe. Also, a very special thanks goes to Aearyn and my other friends on Discord for helping me come up with some amazing HoloNet dating apps.

If there was one thing Theron needed to learn, it was to find a way to prevent Jonas from pulling him into operations at the last minute. It always seemed to end up with him in the most awkward situations. The details of the missions always seemed sketchy, and tonight that had somehow landed him in a candlelit restaurant with an, admittedly attractive, Hrakian making googly eyes at him from across the table on a blind date.

He kept eyeing the man, trying to figure out exactly what nefarious plot the seemingly innocuous person had gotten wrapped up into. They certainly didn’t look like someone who ran with the Crimson Horde, one of the more minor gangs that was making a power play. Looks could be deceiving though — for now he’d have to keep playing his part.

“So, Theron,” the Hrakian said, golden eyes raking over him and flashing in appreciation, “I have to say, your profile pictures don’t do you justice.”

“My profile—?”

“ _Just go with it_ ,” Jonas’s voice sounded over the audio feed in his implants, cutting Theron off before the confusion could be heard in his voice.  _“You don’t want to arouse any suspicion_.”

Normally, Theron would find a chance to get on his sub-vocal mic and throw a snarky reply back at the man on the other end of the surveillance feed, but the table was too small, and the room too quiet, for him to disguise the noise. He briefly wished for just enough relative privacy so he could make a rude gesture at the holo-cam watching from the far end of the room, or at least glare, but that would definitely count as suspicious. So with little recourse, Theron fixed a wide smile in place and kept his cover.

“Well, Therzee—”

“It’s pronounced Thazia.”

“Sorry,” Theron said quickly, hoping that the flush didn’t show in his cheeks.

This was not exactly showing off his suave nature—but then again, he really wasn’t big on grand seductions. He preferred ops with a lot more explosions and adrenaline. But this was a Jonas Balkar op, so of course it had to be  _complicated_. And he’d really needed more than thirty seconds to try and glean important details like his target’s  _name_  from a note hastily scribbled on flimsi.

“No, it’s okay, it’s a common mistake.” Thazia reached across the table, gently resting his hand on Theron’s. “But I’d be happy to help you with your  _pronunciation_  later.”

He was going to  _kill_  Jonas when this was all said and done—but until he had free clearance to murder his partner, Theron would have to make do funneling his annoyance into an even wider grin. “Later? But we haven’t even ordered appetizers yet.”

Thazia returned the smile, almost coyly. “You surprise me.”

“Yeah?” Theron smirked, and took a sip from the glass of whiskey he’d ordered.

“I mean, that’s what I get for making assumptions,” Thazia said. “Everyone moves at their own pace, even aspiring holoporn stars.”

The whiskey spewed across the table as Theron choked. He didn’t even bother trying to maintain his cool, suave image as he tried to process that statement. “ _What_?”

That got a frown. “Your… you told me the nerdiest you’ve ever been was the one time when you wore glasses for a geeky school library themed adult film.”

“I told you that?” he asked hoarsely.

“ _You_  contacted  _me_ ,” Thazia said. “That was your icebreaker message.”

“Hard to imagine anyone would use that as an opening line for a romantic match,” Theron ground out, although the statement was clearly meant for the person he could now hear laughing on the other end of the surveillance feed.

“I just assumed you were trying to impress me with your sexual prowess,” Thazia shrugged. “I’ll be honest I almost swiped left when I got that message, but I just…  _really_  needed to know about the goat.”