Die Zauberflöte: An Irreverent Retelling

A handsome young Prince. A solitary birdcatcher. A mysterious queen. An even more mysterious evil fiend/gentle ruler depending on who you ask. A beautiful young princess. A put-upon guard whose life circumstances (and possibly his personality) drive him to the dark side. A cast of various others including mostly eerily synchronized trios but also two random dudes who have little stage time but are very important I guess. Also a girl who's been hidden for an undiscerned amount of time and is possibly the smartest one but that's another story. Some magic bells. Oh right, and the titular Magic Flute. A perilous quest. A dark citadel that might actually be a beautiful castle. The serpent who started it all. What could possibly go wrong? You already know.