If I could be different

"She cries as silently as possible, fitful sleep replaying relentlessly the same failures in her dreams. Too exhausted from everything to fight it, Aoi gets dragged along the tumultuous currents raging within her until it's well into the morning, and she is washed ashore by the bright daylight generously showering the music room. If she could be different, then she'd be able to at least calm down on her own. She's not really cut-out for such high-stakes situations, being able to prevent it all is nothing but a pipe dream. But she should be able to at least hold herself together."In which Aoi guilt-trips herself into being brave.