suppressed by all my

If she caught even a glimpse of his familiar brown irises, drenched in an emotion she would surely misidentify, she would most definitely end up breaking down, or going fuzzy around the edges, or actually throwing up all over herself, because she felt completely paralyzed, muscles taut, and couldn’t move except to grab a fistful of her shirt with the hand still pressed to her stomach.None of that could happen, because she needed to maturely lay out everything she wanted him to know, that way she might become the one in control of the situation, and all the things that would follow. This was her body, and she got to decide what it would do, and what would happen to it. Joel didn’t get to pour this into her, and she needed to tell him that. He was always making it her choice, he would let it be her choice this time too.--OR, Ellie's childhood fear of thunder is reawakened, but many more half-forgotten fears come along with it, leaving Ellie grasping for control. Joel is more than willing to give that to her.