theory of the alternate

Looking at him makes Ivan feel disoriented, as if he were walking up a staircase and his foot suddenly meets air instead of the solid certainty of the next step. It’s not just the fact that they share similar features, they also feel different. Ivan’s Till feels like a comet streaking through the sky, fierce and awe-inspiring, and forever out of Ivan’s reach. This Till feels more like a planet, reliable and steady, already fixed in its orbit.

“It’s a story about longing,” Ivan says instead, staring at the way Till’s long hair brushes against his nape and the way the light glints against the numerous silver piercings on his ear, “for liberation and warmth and someone’s gaze. It has the makings of a tragedy, but we don’t know the ending yet.”(Or, canon Ivan meets actor Till and actor Ivan meets canon Till. Nothing is the same, but the yearning remains.)