And I am relieved that I left my room tidy (they’ll think of me kindly when they come for my things)

He doesn’t remember what he said to Darry. What he does remember is Sodapop’s gasp, still ringing in his ears. He remembers the way Johnny’s face had gone from intensely uncomfortable to horrified. He remembers the silence that had trailed behind him when he spun around and burst out the door, fleeing like a bat outta hell. Ponyboy doesn’t know how long he's been running, or where he is, but he does know that if he stops everything will come crashing down again.

or

Ponyboy says shit, and the world falls out from under him.