anathema

"It's not… about control," He says haltingly. Or rather, it's not the magic he fears losing control of, but rather everything else. It's sort of like organising the data bank. Every entry has a fixed category, definite links. If data is uncategorised, if no lines are drawn, the whole thing would bleed into a chaotic mess. Likewise, the only way Dan Heng can hope to keep his identity intact is by distancing himself from irrelevant data. The past that isn't his stays shut in a box on the bottom shelf, and if someone else moves it into view, Dan Heng will put it back where it belongs. "Not… the kind of control you're thinking about, anyway."

or: 4 times Dan Heng feels conflicted about using his(?) cloudhymn magic, and 1 time he realises he doesn't care anymore