Star Wars - mechanicalanakal

Ezra struggled with coping after the events of Twilight of the Apprentice. He found that harming himself brought momentary relief. The Ghost Crew did their best to comfort him, but eventually, they knew that it just... wasn't working. That this was just something that Ezra was going to do and nothing would stop him.

1. Morning After

Ezra awoke in the middle of the night in a sleep-filled haze. He sat up in his bunk and felt everything ache. He stifled a groan, looking down at the bandages he'd put on before going to sleep- already soaked with blood. Ezra grumbled knowing that he wouldn't be able to fall back asleep so easily. Ignoring the urges to tear off the bandages and irritate the wounds, he laid back down and shut his eyes.

No, that wasn't going to work. Ezra wasn't sure how long he'd been laying there, but since he nearly fell asleep once or twice, he had to have been for long enough. He sensed that someone was awake, but he was far too exhausted to process who it was. In his daze, he carefully unwrapped his bandages. With his right arm fully exposed, he began to pick at the cuts.

As he did so, Ezra let his mind wander. His thoughts drifted to his master, Kanan, and how he would react if he knew what his apprentice was doing. That Ezra still felt like he was to blame for what happened. He knew he shouldn't have trusted Maul, he knew it was too good to be true. He knew it. He knew it- But one thought kept coming back and repeating itself. One thought kept getting louder and more prominent.

Would Kanan even care?

Ezra opened his eyes, stunned by the notion. He didn't understand how he came to such a conclusion, especially considering all that Kanan's done for him. He felt awful even suggesting it. Kanan loves him, of course he cares about what he's going through. Ezra shook his head, hesitantly turning his attention to the throbbing pain in his arm. Blood gushed from the open wounds and caked under his nails. Ezra began to shake and cry, not bothering to silence himself any longer. Kanan wouldn't care. He knows he wouldn't care. Of course he wouldn't care. Why should he even bother staying alive? Nobody on this godforsaken ship cares about him anyways. He knew it, he could just feel it.