she never knew she could want like this

Rey didn't know there were so many things that she wanted until she met Ben.

She never knew she could want like this

Rey didn't know there were so many things that she wanted until she met Ben.

She always knew that she wanted a family, financial independence, a job that people would respect her for, but she never knew that she wanted to eat as many flavours of things as someone else enjoyed, or to watch the sunrise with someone because sometimes it was alright to do things that weren't utilitarian, or to have a person appreciate all her hard-won strengths that nobody else saw.

She never knew that she could want another body like this, that her body could want like this, and want so much.

She never knew that she could want another person just the way they were, arrogance, looming, and neuroticism and all.

She never knew that she wanted a wedding, because she never had people to invite to a wedding before, but now she did, and because it would make Leia happy, and making Leia happy makes her happy. She never knew that she wanted children because the idea of finding someone who she trusted enough to raise children with seemed impossible before Ben. But now all she wants dark-haired dark-eyed children, because they would be part-Ben, because they would be hers, her own family. She wants a house with stairs for small feet to run up and down, she wants a cat, a white picket fence, dinner parties with the friends that she never had five years ago and the family that she never had that she now has through the Solos. She never knew she wanted to go on camping trips and hiking trips, but nature always looked better through Ben’s photographic lenses. She never knew that she wanted spend every single night of her life falling asleep to the steady sound of his breathing and wake up to his slumbering face, because she never knew the peace of having someone by her side, always.

She wanted such mundane things that she never dreamed of as a child because these were things that only people in movies and songs had, but she wanted it. She wanted it all.

She never knew that she would ever want things that only another person could give her, because growing up the only things she had were the things she fought for herself, but now that she has Ben she wants everything he can give her. That only Ben could give her.

It should be frightening, that a self-sufficient woman like herself could want so many things that are dependent on another person, that she knew that she could depend on another person to give her everything she wanted because they wanted the same things, that her once sufficient life could suddenly feel as if it could be filled with so much more. That she could depend on another person. That she could depend on that other person to be here the next day, and the next.

She never knew that life could be like this before Ben.

She never knew that she could have everything that she ever wanted.

**Author's Note:**

> Inspired by "when we were young" by Andy Black and Juliet Simms. > > "You look like a movie, you sound like a song"

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