To Find Peace

“Peter, do you really want to die?”And he thought about it. He really did. He thought about the quiet that he’d experienced, the silence in his brain as he stepped off that roof in contrast to the small buzzing of their coffee machine or the birds on the balcony. He thought about the absence of fear and the blatant emotionlessness of it all, the disregard for life in its entirety as he let himself be taken by gravity and he pondered the absence of fear in this very moment, staring into Sam and Bucky’s fond eyes. He searched the depths of himself, the peace that he’d felt in those few seconds of lifeless falling, and then he compared it to the peace he was finding bit by bit in the slowly rising sun he could see from Sam and Bucky’s couch.Falling, shockingly, came up short.